5 Steps to Apply Emotional Intelligence In Our Relationships

How to apply emotional intelligence to improve our relationship?

By: Lily Ary | Healthy Relationships & Love Coach

The american psicologist Daniel Goleman defines emocional intelligence as: “the ability to recognize our own feelings and those of others, the ability to be motivated and be able to manage our relationships correctly». In other words, it is about developing the ability to be empathetic, sensible and assertive with ourselves and with others. For Goleman 80% of personal and professional success is reached in adult life through emocional intelligence.

I believe that each of us should devote time to our own development throughout our life. Being able to use our emocional intelligence effectively brings great personal benefits, and can have positive effects in all areas of our life. For almost every person in this world, love relationships are important, so here I bring 5 steps to help us apply emocional intelligence to our intimate relationship:

  1. Self-awareness

It is a thoughtful process in which you have a better idea of who you are, you have a better sense of your attributes and virtues. It is the ability to observe yourself, to be able to identify your needs and to better manage your emotions when facing difficult situations. Dedicating time to know yourself and to know the areas of your personality that need improvement makes part of what emocional intelligence is all about. These actions will help you establish a more healthy and balanced love relationship, as well as to help you communicate more clearly and harmoniously; hence, to avoid conflict.

  1. Self-control

It is your ability to exercise command over yourself, and to know how to control your thoughts and actions. This is a key emotional intelligence characteristic especially in the realm of a personal relationship, because it will allow you to recognize the differences between you and your partner, and to gain control over yourself when facing any situation, even during moments of crisis. Conflict can only cause rupture and chaos in a relationship, it is why the open and objective analysis of the couple’s problems will bring greater and more positive benefits to the relationship. The ultimate goal should be to focus in solutions to every situation, and to achieve this, self-control has to be part of your daily life.

  1. Strengths and Weaknesses Identification 

The most successful people at both personal and professional levels, always know their strengths to perfection, which they use in order to achieve their goals. They also recognize their weaknesses and learn how to neutralize them, in order to prevent them from generating conflict in their lives. For example, if you are someone with very little patience, and you already know how much this affects your relationship, you should do a conscious effort to remain calmed every time you interact with your partner. In summary, if you understand the characteristics of your personality that make you «create» or «damage», you’ll be utilizing emocional intelligence, that will allow you to moderate them and therefore, accomplish a more gratifying relationship.

  1. The ability of not feeling offended  

Become offended and hurt every time your partner does or says something that bothers you, is a waste of time and energy. Developing resilience – the ability to adapt and overcome adversity – will strengthen your character, self-esteem, and will give you the faculty to be able to observe other people’s actions through a more compassionate lens. The ability to accept that every person to a greater or lower extent has limitations, that many times lead them to make mistakes (often involuntarily), will allow you to appreciate your partner without judging, process conflict without feeling offended and remaining calmed. I’ll guarantee that after developing this ability of not becoming offended with every tiny detail and rather focusing your attention in building a more harmonious relationship, you’ll be able to succeed in your relationship.

  1. The assertive “no” 

In every relationship being assertive is essential. If you are capable of communicating what you need, what you feel and what you like in a very clear way, without offending or without the drama, you are being assertive and applying emotional intelligence. This way, you’d be creating a healthy and effective communication system between you and your partner, you’ll engender great habits within your relationship, that will as well allow you to say «no» without any fuss. This is the best way to avoid causing trouble by the fact of feeling dragged down to doing something you don’t really feel comfortable of doing.

Emotions are a powerful tool to interpret how we feel and process what life brings to us. When we learn how to manage them, through emotional intelligence, we not only reach personal harmony, but we also get to elevate the quality of our love relationship.

If you are going through a bad experience in your relationship or are facing a breakup, please contact me! You can reach me on I would love to help you through your healing  and personal transformation process.

Keep being strong!

LILY website1Lily Ary
Healthy Relationships & Love Coach
Facebook: @lilyinspiredindulgence
Instagram: @Inspiredindulgence
Telephone: (512) 784.7193